just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
