$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
