Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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