A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
