i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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