If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
