My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
