I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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