he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
