WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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