Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
