I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just had sex bonerless
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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