Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
