I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
