he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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