i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
