ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
