ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
worst night to have a conscience
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
