Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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