so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Randomize
