please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
