My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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