so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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