my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
