I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
