Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
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