im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
