I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
