grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
