i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My feet surprised me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
