It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
