dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
