I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
