My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
