If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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