There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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