My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
