so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
