At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
