people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
