this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
