if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
