can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
