first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
