White coat. Heels.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
