just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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