I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
