he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
