This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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