I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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