college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
