Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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