you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
