Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Too much gin, very little bucket
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
