R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
