you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
