can u get pink eye on your cock?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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