I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
