I think my vagina is haunted
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
