at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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